End of an Era

It was 10 years ago today, when we sent our 2 month old baby boy into surgery for a tracheostomy.  I remember that day so vividly.  I remember that our surgery time kept getting pushed back, which meant even longer that he had to go without anything to eat.  Try explaining that to a 2 month old, especially one that was tube fed.  He probably didn't really know what it meant to be hungry.  All he knew was that every 3 hours, his stomach would suddenly get full, with no idea how that happened.  I remember spending a lot of time that day holding him, knowing that our life was going to change so much in a matter of hours.  I remember my parents being there when we sent him off with the nurse, and how much I cried when I had to hand him over.  My mom and I both cried.  I remember seeing him in the NICU for the first time after the surgery was over, and thinking that he looked like a porcelain doll.  He had been given a sedative and a paralytic drug so that he would be completely still while the stoma, (trach hole) healed.  I remember how hard it was to sit next to his bed and not be able to hold him or even touch him.  For a week he laid in the bed, without me being able to hold him and without him being able to move at all.  It was the hardest week of my life.

It's been 3 months since John got his trach taken out.  Going into it, we had no idea what to expect.  We didn't know if he would tolerate not having it.  There was always a possibility that he would either need to use a CPAP mask at night when he slept, or worse case, have the trach put back in.  One month after the trach came out, John had a sleep study.  This would determine how he was doing without the trach and whether or not he could continue without it.  The results came back a few weeks later and were better than we imagined.  He went from having more than 200 apnea events per hour many years ago, to only having 3 apnea events per hour.  His oxygen stayed stable throughout the test and the doctor said we would repeat it in a year and see if he's still doing well.  The whole decannulation process went easier than we imagined.  Even losing the night nursing was easier than we thought.  John sleeps in a big boy bed all by himself now, and he loves having the extra space.  I get up once during the night to change his diaper and then Tommy checks him when he gets up for work in the morning.  It has all gone so smoothly.

Tomorrow, we will officially close the book on this chapter of our lives.  10 years and 1 day after handing my baby boy over for surgery, I will once again hand him over to a nurse, this time to have the hole in his neck stitched closed.  Typically, the hole closes on its own, but we were pretty sure that because he has had his for so long, it would not close on its own.  So with a minor procedure tomorrow, his ENT will stitch the hole closed, marking an end to an era.

A lot of times, when some major event in one's life takes place, they say it is bitter sweet.  For us, this is not bitter sweet.  It is just sweet.  Life without the trach has been fantastic.  Sure, I would like not having to get up at 2am every night to change a diaper, but that is a small trade off for the joy we have experienced the last few months.  All of this will culminate in one final event.  We are planning a trip as a family of 3 to Lost Pines Resort in Bastrop, TX for a weekend.  While there, John will be able to spend time in the pool and floating the lazy river, something he was unable to do as long as he had a hole in his neck.  I can't wait to watch him lounge around the river.  I know he will enjoy it and mom and dad will enjoy, just as much, watching him. 

There were honestly times when I thought this day would never come, but now that it has, what a SWEET, SWEET day it is!