Emotions

If you follow Tommy or me on Facebook, then you know this past week didn't quite go as planned.  If you don't follow us, here is what happened.

When John had his airway check on Wednesday the 1st, the doctor told us to plan to be admitted on Monday, the 5th.  I got a call from the nurse on Thursday that said we would get a call on Monday when a bed was ready for John and to wait for that call before coming to the hospital.  So after a fast trip to Kinder for Easter, Monday came and we waited. 

I planned to keep John home from school because I had already told his teacher, the attendance clerk and his bus driver that he would be out Monday-Wednesday.  So with John hanging out at home we waited, and waited, and waited.  Finally around 2:30 in the afternoon, the phone rang.  The nurse told us that the hospital was full and they didn't have any beds for John for that night.  She said they were hoping to have some discharges that evening and he would be put back on the list for Tuesday. 

I decided it best to send John to school on Tuesday since we wouldn't hear anything until the afternoon anyway.  It was around 3:30 on Tuesday afternoon and I still hadn't received a phone call.  So I called the number to admissions and they transferred me to room management where I was told that once again, they had no beds available.  Now on to Wednesday.

On Wednesday, Tommy decided to call around 12:30.  He was told they did not yet know if there were any beds available, but they would call by 3:30.  Around 2:30, I got a call that they yet again had no available beds.  On to Thursday.

I spoke with he nurse for John's doctor on Thursday morning.  She said as of that morning it didn't look likely there would be a bed for Thursday night.  She also said that she had spoken to his doctor and she said she did not want him admitted over the weekend because there would be doctors there who were not familiar with John.  So if there was no bed for Thursday night, we would have to wait again until Monday.  Later, we got the call that there was indeed no bed for Thursday.

So here it is, the weekend, and we are still waiting for him to even be admitted to the hospital just to start the process to see if he's ready for his trach to come out.  To say last week was an emotional week for me is an understatement.  I had trouble eating and sleeping, and trust me when I say I have never had trouble with either of those things before in my entire life.

I know I should be happy that he is healthy and not one of the sick kids in the hospital, whose parents are waiting for them to get better and go home.  I know I should treat each day as if nothing has changed.  I mean, we have done this for 9+ years after all.  What's one more week, right?

On the other hand, WE HAVE DONE THIS FOR 9+ YEARS!!!  I'm ready to be done with this chapter.  Our son has had one diagnosis after another.  Nothing in his life has been easy.  Although, I don't think that he is aware that his life is not easy, I am very aware.  And I am just so ready for him to have one of those difficult parts of his, and our life, go away.  I'm ready to close this chapter of our journey.  Our journey will by no means be over, but maybe it will be just slightly easier and better.  His and our quality of life will be slightly better and we can start to get used to a new normal.

We are just trying to make the most of our weekend together.  I'm trying not to think too much about it all and just enjoy our time as a family.  John has a soccer game today and then I may take him to a movie later.  Tomorrow will be church, nap and laundry day and then Monday, we will start the game all over again.

Please pray that a room will become available sooner rather than later.  And pray for Tommy and I to have patience and peace while we wait.  Hopefully my next post will come from the hospital.