This is not my normal blog post about life with my sweet son. That's normally what I blog about. But today, after watching the Today show's ridiculous coverage of Hurricane Sandy, I felt compelled to use my blog to give advice to my northern friends who may have never experienced a hurricane before. So, for all of my Yankee friends, here are some steps from this Dixie Darling, for riding out the storm.
1. If you live in a high rise, get out. You will not enjoy being in the penthouse suite when the winds start to blow and that thing starts to sway. Find someone with a ground floor apartment, or better yet a house in case that thing topples over. You don't want to be at the bottom of that.
2. I know you have a lot of bridges and tunnels around there. Keep away from them. They will probably be closed anyway, but even if they aren't, don't be a daredevil and try to cross a bridge in hurricane force winds. In fact, stay off of the roads, period.
3. If you don't have storm shutters on your house, use ply wood and board up the windows. If you don't have time or just can't get to the hardware store, then masking tape will work just find. Just tape strips across your windows from corner to corner in an "X". It won't keep the windows from breaking, but it should keep them from shattering. That's what we like to call redneck engineering.
4. Make sure you stock up on plenty of drinking water, or soda or juice or beer or wine or whatever you use to hydrate. Also, have plenty of your favorite snack foods on hand and maybe even some bread and peanut butter, in case you are without electricity for a while and can't cook anything. Forget keeping things cold. If you lose power, even if you never open your freezer door (which is impossible to do) it will not stay cold for long and you will lose the food in there.
5. Make sure you have plenty of flashlights and batteries for them. Also, get a battery operated radio and or TV so you can hear the news media tell you when it's safe to come out again. They are, after all, the bravest of us all. They will ride out the storm and stay on the air for as long as they have power and a signal. They are the real heroes at a time like this.
6. While you still have water, fill up all of your bathtubs. If you lose power and water, you can use the water in your bathtub to flush your toilets with. Please, do not use kitty litter to dispose of your waste as was suggested on the Today Show this morning. That is just gross.
7. Some media outlets will tell you to shelter in place, but a term we like to use down here in the south is "Hunker Down." This means simply, stay inside. Stay off the roads, stay in your house, protect your pets and plants, board or tape your windows, grab all of your snack foods and beverages, and pull out all of your board games. Build a fort with your kids ( this is where the flashlights will come in handy). Turn on your battery powered TV or radio and listen for the all clear signal. Another term we use for this is Hurricane Party.
Now I know many of you have never experienced anything like this before. It can really be scary. This led the Today Show to call in a psychology expert to tell you how to handle your kids and their fear or anxiety as they watch you prepare. I can give you the same advice and I don't have a Ph.D. behind my name. I can tell you exactly how your kids are feeling and how to handle it. They are thinking that this is the most exciting thing they have ever experienced. School is cancelled and this is going to be a party. There is no fear or anxiety at all. Trust me. I've been there.
After the storm is over, you are going to want a friend that has a boat in his front yard or at least someone with a truck that has big mud tires on it. What? No one up there has anything like that? Oh well. You will be sorry. You are going to need it to rescue folks on your street after the 5-7 inches of rain you are expecting. I mean, with water that high, you might even need a helicopter to pick you up off of your roof tops. And if the high water stays around for a few days and you need something for your kids to do to keep from getting bored, check out the episode of Duck Dynasty where they teach you to build a Redneck Water Park. They have some great ideas.
If you are the mayor of Atlantic city, where the storm is expected to make landfall, I would call up the mayor of Biloxi, Mississippi to get advice on what to do with your casinos. That's your main source of revenue and you are going to need to get them back up and running as soon as you can.
In all seriousness, hurricanes are dangerous and you should take all precautions to keep yourselves and your family safe.
And so you don't feel like you are the only ones in the country preparing for severe weather, my son and I are wearing our sweatshirts today to stay warm in these 50 degree temperatures. Of course, around here, you practically need a sweatshirt just to go to the grocery store and walk through the cold section.
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