Thoughts

I don't have a lot of new information to blog about, but I do have a few thoughts I wanted to share.  To tell you the first thought, I have to admit to you all that I am a weekly Grey's Anatomy watcher.  I've watched the show from the very beginning, and have continued to watch through the years.  It is one of my guilty pleasures that I don't admit to just anyone.  It has a lot of questionable content, but some of the story lines fascinate me.

While watching last week's episode, there was a scene with a new mother who was faced with a difficult choice.  Her son was born very premature and weighed just over a pound at birth.  He has been through numerous difficulties and procedures, all trying to stabilize him and sustain his life.  In this episode, a new complication arose and the doctors gave the mother a choice.  The first option was to choose to have a surgery for him, that would be incredibly difficult on the baby and he may not live through, and there was no guarantee that it would help his condition.  The second option was that she needed to consider what they called A N D (allow natural death).  They gave the opinion that even if the baby survived, he would be facing possible Cerebral Palsey as well as many other medical issues his entire life.  Would she want her son to be in pain every day, to know that he will probably never walk, or talk and would have to eat through a feeding tube his whole life?  Is that a quality of life she wanted for him, or should she just let him die and be at peace? 

This argument comes up frequently on television, but I gotta keep in mind that these are the same people who make characters who are supposedly Christians look crazy and they always promote a mother's right to choose abortion.   I do have to admit they they did show the opposite side of the argument from the mother's perspective, but it didn't seem to be as convincing as the first side.  But the point that stuck with me was that they seemed to be saying that her son would have no quality of life if he lived that way and it didn't seem to be worth it. To that I say, bull.  Now, granted my son doesn't live in pain every day of his life, but he spent the first 3 years eating through a feeding tube.  He has a tracheostomy tube to help him breath.  He cannot walk, he cannot talk, and he still has to wear diapers.  He is 100% dependent on us for survival.  But every morning I carry him from his bed to the living room and I get a huge hug when I do.  As I'm getting him dressed, when I sit him up to put his shirt on, he almost always leans forward and wraps his arms around my neck, and sometimes, I can't get him to let go.  When he gets off of the school bus and sees me, he has a huge smile on his face and when I take him out of his chair, I get another hug that says he missed me.  He may not be able to tell me that he loves me, but he shows me every time he wraps his arms around my neck.  Even with his circumstances, he rarely cries and is almost always happy.  He lives life to the fullest each and every day, as if to say, I'm just happy to be alive.  We should all live our life that way.  Sure, I wish life were easier on him, easier on us, but if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change it.  I would rather have my son the way he is now, then not have him at all.  It is worth every single second I get to spend with him each day.

Something else that has hit home for me in the last couple of weeks came straight from God's word.  Our Sunday School class has been studying a book called "Read the Bible for Life" by George Guthrie.  When we started to study the book, it really hit me that I spend almost zero time reading God's word.  What I know about it, I heard through stories growing up in Sunday School.  Most of those stories I have never actually read for myself.  So I decided to make a committment to spend time in God's word every day.  I started a reading plan that, if followed exactly, will allow me to read through the whole bible in one year.  So far I have been pretty solid in following through, although I have missed a few days here and there.  But I have made it a priority each morning, after I get John on the school bus.  Before I do anything else, I come in, fix a cup of coffee and sit down to spend time in his word.

A couple of weeks ago, I began reading through Exodus.  This is where Moses is born and goes to live with Pharoah's daughter as her son.  His mother gave him up to her to spare his life.  Then later in his life, God uses Moses to lead the Isrealites out of Egypt and out from under Pharoah's rule.  He has promised them a great land to live in and Moses is to lead them there.  But God chose not to lead them on the most direct route to this land.  Instead he led them through the desert, where they would face many obstacles along the way.  This is where it hit home for me.  He led them through what we would call (the scenic route) for several reasons.  First, it was because if they had gone the more direct way, they would have had to cross the land of the Philistines, whom they would have had to fight, and they were not ready to do battle with such a powerful army.  Second, God wanted his people to be prepared to live in the promise land. They had been in captivity for hundreds of years and their habits of dependency and lack of faith had deep roots.  He used the trials and hardships of their journey through the desert to teach them faith.  Third, God simply wanted them to take him at his word.  He told them that he would protect them and provide for them, but they didn't believe him.  He wanted to show them all of the ways he can do so.  And last, but probably the most profound for me, is that God's map may not be the shortest route so that lessons may be learned along the way.

That is something I am beginning to finally learn with John.  When he first got his trach, we were told that he would probably have it for 6 months to a year.  But obviously, God had a lot to teach us, because nearly 7 years later, he still has it.  We have learned a lot during that time, but mostly I have learned that God's timing is all that matters.  I have learned to have faith that he is in completely control.  John will be okay, and we will be okay.  We just have to learn to trust him and not try to solve everything ourselves.

There is one quick update on John.  Last week I took him to see his Opthalmologist for the first time in a year and a half.  I was supposed to take him back a year from the last visit, but time got away from us.  We knew that he was somewhat near sighted before and that he was borderline of needing glasses.  But we were convinced that he would not leave them on his face, so she didn't push the issue.  Well when we went last week, his prescription has doubled since the last time he saw her.  Not only is he very near sighted, but his eyes are worse than mine were before I had the Lasix surgery.  I know how incredibly blurry my vision was without contacts, so I can't believe he has been getting along all this time without any glasses.  So I talked with a close friend of mine, who happens to be my eye doctor, and I talked with the folks at her office who fit people for glasses.  We came across some frames that are made for recreation.  They are called Rec Specs and instead of having the arm go behind the ear, they go along the side of his head and then have a strap across the back to hold them in place.  Essentially, they look a lot like goggles.  I think these may work best for him.  So we are waiting to get those frames in so we can try them on John and see how they work for him.  He has never been excited about having anything near his eyes, and normally doesn't let us even put sun glasses on him.  But my hope is that once we get them on and he realizes how much better he can see, that he won't want to take them off.  I can't wait to post pictures of how he looks in them.

There is one finally thing I want to leave you with today.  A friend of mine sent me a link to a blog of a family she knows.  They had a baby boy in March, and even before he was born, they knew there would be complications.  He has some neurological problems and they are faced with making some very tough decisions.  They are strong and faithful people, and they are praying for God to help them make the right decision.  If you would like to know more about this family, you can go to their blog here  Please join me in praying for these parents and for this precious little boy who has gone through so much in such a short period of time.